cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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