You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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