we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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