These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
