Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
