she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
