new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I need a beard to bite.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
