His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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