I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
