if only i could text you this smell
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
