"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
