do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
