just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
