The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
