I hate your face
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
...so i touched it.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
