he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
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he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
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So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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