Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
