Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
