My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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