Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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