He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
