it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I need to sanitize my soul.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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