The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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