its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
