Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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