my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
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Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
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you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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