he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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