I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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