Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I have feelings that need drinking.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
