Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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