I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
