i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Someone came in the potted fern
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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