ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She's the barista slut.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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