Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
