So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
how does that bad decision feel?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
