Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
