I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
How's work?
Spinning.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
