I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
