I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
