I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
