I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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