so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
