believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
