Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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