I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
