a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
