I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
