she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
