Taylor Swift is so right about you.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
