If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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