what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
