On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
