Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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