I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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