i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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