Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
