You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I have fence marks all over my body
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
