yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I would fuck him just for his dog
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
