the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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