yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
