You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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