Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
