So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
