You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
