last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
