love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
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I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
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TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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