My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
