I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
No stitches, just platelets and will power
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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