remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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