I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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