Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
