You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
